Thursday, February 21, 2013

Already, I'm falling behind.

Already I find myself being pulled away from the blog. Simply because I have no computer of my own and tend to type like an absolute moron when I use my phone. It's not, in any way as if I've run out of things to talk about (if you know me, you'd know that is simply impossible) so this may be quite a few things rammed into one. instead of doing the smart thing and spreading them out over a few.

So, yesterday I called Jesh, well I guess I actually text my mom and had her talk to somebody, who talked to somebody else, and then he called me. Which is obnoxious. But it was so bittersweet to talk to him. He's such a trooper and does his best to make everything seem like it's okay, even when it's not. He's such a cynic at heart but when he thinks he could hurt somebody with how he's feeling he simply picks the happiest part of his life and talks only about that. Such a sweet heart. It kills me.

While talking to him, I found out my sister got kicked out. So the two kids are staying with family friends all alone. sharing the livingroom and really just trying their best to stay out from under everybodies feet. Their mom is still a pot smoking loser (not that I think everybody who smokes pot is a loser but if you do it in front of your kids, then we've got beef) That's like me saying everybody who drinks has problems. Absolutely not but if you get hammered five nights a week and call your teenager names, you probably deserve a swift kick in the teeth. You know who you are.

What baffles me is that I want this boy so bad. It's hard to explain the hardship dealt with when it came to my niece. It isn't something as simple as 'it was hard, so I don't want to do it anymore'. I personally feel like you can't help somebody who doesn't wish to be helped. Regardless of age, creed, gender, mental capacity. You just can't. And I have too much going on nearly all the time to be sinking time, effort, money, emotion into something or someone who is never going to appreciate it. So with my nephew, he takes everything we say into consideration and consistently tries to better himself. He is by no means the perfect kid but man, he is really close. My niece on the other hand will break your things, lie to your face and then when you punish her complain about how you hurt her feelings. I get she's only nine and maybe I am too young to be dealing with kids of that age but... just UGH.

Anyways, back to what I was saying, it baffles me that I want my nephew SO badly. I am always thinking of ways to make his life better and easier and provide for him. Yet his mother continues to turn away from her children and act like she is still a teenager. Refuses to find a job, or look for a suitable house. If it isn't handed to her it simply just isn't worth the effort. She blames it on having a rough childhood which makes me want to laugh in her face. Not to say she had it easy but she's never taken the time to ask how my childhood was. And look how I turned out? I mean, no drugs, little amounts of booze. I'm in a monogamous, happy relationship. Pretty much one of my biggest downfalls is I'm a lesbian.

So Elle and I have these jobs in the wings, Elle found out today she got hers and I won't find out until Thursday at the latest either way. Needless to say it's pretty agonizing. But the current plan.
Get jobs. Work our asses off. Get an apartments. And get back the boy. Even he jokes that he was made for me. And it really is as true as could be.

Too much information here to continue on with life events. Expect more soon.

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