Friday, April 5, 2013

The Shitty First Draft

So, I've started writing a novel. I've dabbled in poetry for over half of my life and am slowly beginning to realize I'm actually not half bad at it. And maybe it was this realization that made me decide is was worth diving into the novel writing scene. To be one hundred percent honest. I am TERRIBLE at it. Or at least that's what I've been convincing myself for the last week. I formatted it to the average size of a published book and so far I'm about 16 pages into it and it just feels so out of place!

When I sit down to write my poetry it's effortless. Falls out of me like babies out of octomom. but this first draft of my story hasn't been quite so easy. I've been agonizing over it too, like it's going to completely define my future or something. And then I stumbled upon the greatest piece of fact EVER.

Everybody writes a shitty first draft. It doesn't matter if you're Stephen King or Joe Schmo. It's just part of that thing we call the creative process. The first draft is made solely to get it all out. Word vomit and then edit.

It seems so silly but I am freaking ecstatic. Maybe I'm not as bad at this as I thought. Or maybe I am but at least I can fool myself for a while in thinking that I might be okay at it. Either way. Awesome fact of the day.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Flaws That We Realize in Ourselves

So I'm one of those people who take inspiration from others quickly. When others look inside themselves I tend to follow suite and realize maybe that's what I should have been doing the whole time. It's often significantly easier to admit your flaws when you realize that we are all people and we all have flaws regardless of whether or not we want to admit them. It's like refusing to acknowledge that the sky is blue. It will still be blue, you will just be sitting all alone in your corner working your brain magic and convincing yourself it's shamrock.

So my most recent discovery, which I've been talking with Elle about wanting to get better at is being a judgemental asshole. There's really no other way to explain or describe it, I'm 100% for keeping it real. I used to pride myself on being so accepting and free. Elle fondly refers to me as the hippie on occasion. But lately I've noticed I really just dislike most people and judge them on their behaviors pretty much on a daily basis. It's not that I have no patience, because generally I have the patience of a saint. Maybe that's only with kids though. And it's not even that I'm unhappy because I generally don't feel like I am. But I am just constantly judging people on things that are really none of my business.

My biggest one is parenting. Raise your kids however you want but the fact is, I'm going to get annoyed that you're letting your small child dance around the aisles of walmart at 11:30pm with a plastic bag on their head.  Sometimes I guess I just take it too far. Parents have different views. My god sons favorite show is South Park, and I personally think it's terrible. Especially since he's become prone to say Damn. Or even the occasional F*** it. Yet his mother sees absolutely nothing wrong with her nearly three year old dropping more f bombs than I do. (Which I will admit can be a feat in itself) Now again, it's not my place to judge but I do. So hard. And then, what makes it even worse is that I judge people for judging people on things that I don't feel like they should be judged on. Oh yeah, figure that riddle out.

A great example. My mother in law is a really sweet lady, I have to say that first and foremost because I do love her. I have more of a connection with her than I do my own mother. Which isn't difficult but must mean something. But she drives me absolutely insane with her obsession with 'beauty'. She can't simply allow people to be themselves. She can't let fat people be fat, or scary people be scary she has to wish everybody in the world can be clean cut, thin, and beautifully made up even when running to the grocery store.

Now, if you know me you'll understand why this drives me freaking INSANE. I'm a very open person when it comes to stuff like that, usually. I mean... if you're 300 pounds in cut off shorts and a tube top, I will stare at you. Just a forewarning. But I'm pretty sure I can count the times I've worn make up on my hands. I am all for natural beauty. Elle is most attractive to me when she first wakes up, hair in a crazy bun with a sleepy eye. But her mom just puts so much emphasis and pressure on her to be the perfect looking person (Which she already is) But I just need to accept that some people need to make other people feel lesser to feel better. And that sometimes they enjoy looks more than they should. I am a firm believer that you can have a great personality and your looks won't matter but if you have a terrible personality it doesn't matter how attractive you are. Bad people are just bad people. good people don't base relationships, specifically long lasting ones, solely off the way people look.

So working to be less judgemental is my current conquest. I'm on this whole "Becoming a good person so I can be a good parent" kick. I want to be somebody my little Peanut can look up to. So I have about a year (hopefully *knock on wood*) To be the person I would want my child to be.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

See! I'm Getting Back in the Swing

Aha! I knew I could get in the swing of this whole blogging thing! Though I'm really trying not to give myself too much credit. We'll see the way things progress I suppose.

So much is going on. It's spinning out of control in the best way possible. Ellie loves her job! She's much more agreeable when she's happy so days have been filled with kisses and cuddles and money making. I've been scoping the fields and in the meantime working on my novel as much as possible. It's not as easy as I was hoping, which I know must sound silly. But poetry comes so easy to me. I sit down and spit it out like it's nothing. Novel writing is more precise. I spent about a month focusing just on character development. But I do feel a lot more confident in it's progression so far.

Easter was an absolute hit! Kai and Bunny (our god children) adore each other and it was really nice to have the four of us all in the same place. They had the crowd rolling almost instantly. Bun showed up crying because she had left a blanket at home and Kai's almost immediate solution was to offer her every bit of change he had in his pocket. They spent the next few hours doing all those silly things toddlers do. Playing in the sand, kicking his easter truck until we thought it would combust and then of course trading girl things for boy things after the easter hunt. Kai didn't want to leave, and as always everybody fell in love with him. He liked Monster a lot too. He was showing him his new phone and the pictures of some thing. Kai thought it was the best thing he had ever seen and when we tried to ask him anything he would just put his finger to his lips and shush us. So funny but such a little turd sometimes!

Elle and I are growing gradually more excited about moving towards having our own little bean! We've already got an apartment picked out for starting and  slowly we're picking out things we want not only for the new place but for the new addition to our family. We had some names picked out but since both of our best friends are going to be the god parents we're letting them get in on the fun and pick out middle names. It's exciting for them, and us but really hard at the same time because Elle and I are so particular about names!
We also got a dispenser for.. little swimmers, ha. I feel like at first this is going to be a nerve racking and awkward process but we're both so looking forward to it.

I'll keep you all posted! And everything going on other than that too. The job hunt and all that jazzy jazz.