Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Flaws That We Realize in Ourselves

So I'm one of those people who take inspiration from others quickly. When others look inside themselves I tend to follow suite and realize maybe that's what I should have been doing the whole time. It's often significantly easier to admit your flaws when you realize that we are all people and we all have flaws regardless of whether or not we want to admit them. It's like refusing to acknowledge that the sky is blue. It will still be blue, you will just be sitting all alone in your corner working your brain magic and convincing yourself it's shamrock.

So my most recent discovery, which I've been talking with Elle about wanting to get better at is being a judgemental asshole. There's really no other way to explain or describe it, I'm 100% for keeping it real. I used to pride myself on being so accepting and free. Elle fondly refers to me as the hippie on occasion. But lately I've noticed I really just dislike most people and judge them on their behaviors pretty much on a daily basis. It's not that I have no patience, because generally I have the patience of a saint. Maybe that's only with kids though. And it's not even that I'm unhappy because I generally don't feel like I am. But I am just constantly judging people on things that are really none of my business.

My biggest one is parenting. Raise your kids however you want but the fact is, I'm going to get annoyed that you're letting your small child dance around the aisles of walmart at 11:30pm with a plastic bag on their head.  Sometimes I guess I just take it too far. Parents have different views. My god sons favorite show is South Park, and I personally think it's terrible. Especially since he's become prone to say Damn. Or even the occasional F*** it. Yet his mother sees absolutely nothing wrong with her nearly three year old dropping more f bombs than I do. (Which I will admit can be a feat in itself) Now again, it's not my place to judge but I do. So hard. And then, what makes it even worse is that I judge people for judging people on things that I don't feel like they should be judged on. Oh yeah, figure that riddle out.

A great example. My mother in law is a really sweet lady, I have to say that first and foremost because I do love her. I have more of a connection with her than I do my own mother. Which isn't difficult but must mean something. But she drives me absolutely insane with her obsession with 'beauty'. She can't simply allow people to be themselves. She can't let fat people be fat, or scary people be scary she has to wish everybody in the world can be clean cut, thin, and beautifully made up even when running to the grocery store.

Now, if you know me you'll understand why this drives me freaking INSANE. I'm a very open person when it comes to stuff like that, usually. I mean... if you're 300 pounds in cut off shorts and a tube top, I will stare at you. Just a forewarning. But I'm pretty sure I can count the times I've worn make up on my hands. I am all for natural beauty. Elle is most attractive to me when she first wakes up, hair in a crazy bun with a sleepy eye. But her mom just puts so much emphasis and pressure on her to be the perfect looking person (Which she already is) But I just need to accept that some people need to make other people feel lesser to feel better. And that sometimes they enjoy looks more than they should. I am a firm believer that you can have a great personality and your looks won't matter but if you have a terrible personality it doesn't matter how attractive you are. Bad people are just bad people. good people don't base relationships, specifically long lasting ones, solely off the way people look.

So working to be less judgemental is my current conquest. I'm on this whole "Becoming a good person so I can be a good parent" kick. I want to be somebody my little Peanut can look up to. So I have about a year (hopefully *knock on wood*) To be the person I would want my child to be.

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